Poseidon Quickies: "Crane" Your Neck This Way a Minute. (2024)

Somewhere along the line I'd at least heard of this movie, Hilda Crane (1956), because the name was familiar, but I can't recall the last time I ever saw it air on television of any kind. Based upon a Broadway play that ran for two months in late-1950, it concerns a young lady who's returning to her hometown after being away in New York City. During this period, she's managed to marry and divorce... twice! This raises an eyebrow or two amidst some of the residents of her small Illinois hamlet. A real nice widescreen print of the film has emerged on YT and for fans of the stars or this genre will likely enjoy watching it.

Posters for the film wanted to point up Crane's "many" loves, but there are only two...! Random faces are slipped in of elusive other gents (unless the dude on the train, who appears for about 2 or 3 seconds, is meant to be one!)

Jean Simmons was generally a reliable cinematic leading lady, and a pretty one, while Guy Madison, drew me in as this is not his usual milieu. (More often, Madison could be found in westerns by this stage.)

Overly-lit promotional stills such as this one are a far cry from the richly-textured and atmospherically-lit sets of the film, as you'll soon see.

Simmons, as the title character, returns home on the train from The Big Apple, sporting a mink coat. Her mother (Judith Evelyn) wastes no time in discovering that the coat's lining is beginning to wear out, signifying that its been around a lot, just like its owner!

Back home, we learn of Simmons fixation on her now-deceased father. His chair (and pipe) still maintain a position of prominence in the family abode. By the way, people simply read older back in the day. Simmons wasn't yet 27 when she made this movie!

Though she's styled to emphasize an older look, Evelyn was 47 (!) when she played Simmons' mother. She and her daughter were never too close. Though she wanted happiness for Simmons, she was too focused on how things appeared than in exploring much in the way of feelings of satisfaction in a relationship.

Simmons meets up with construction contractor Madison, who was in love with her prior to her flight to New York and is clearly still smitten with her now.

The casting of Madison presents a bit of a problem. Simmons isn't sure she loves him and waffles significantly over his proposal of marriage. Um... No one in her right mind could resist the fit and handsome Madison, who also happens to be quite wealthy thanks to his gumption in the construction biz! (In the play, a wildly dissimilar actor named John Alexander essayed the part. He played the Teddy-Roosevelt-obsessed cousin in Arsenic and Old Lace, 1944, so reticence is far more understandable!)

There's another contender for Simmons' affection, a former college professor of hers who still gives guest lectures at the school. He's played by Jean-Pierre Aumont.

I wouldn't say that Aumont is repellent, but for me there's no contest when it comes to the men. I don't get the allure surrounding Aumont, but perhaps as a Frenchman there is something he provides that we as the viewer aren't privy to (in 1956 anyway! Ha ha!)

So she's torn between the arty, seductive Aumont, who principally wants her just as a sexual partner if the truth be told...

...and the secure, reliable Madison, who adores her, but possesses a level of scintillation about on par with Professor Roy Hinkley of Gilligan's Island, who he vaguely resembles here. Nevertheless, for me the choice is clear.

But as Popeye the Sailor used to often say, "There's a fly in the oinkment!" Madison has a burly, brash, highly-controlling mother in the form of Evelyn Varden, who, needless to say, does not approve of her son's choice in a bride.

I love, worship and adore old-fashioned, disagreeable, controlling old biddies like this (think Mary Astor's Roberta Carter in Return to Peyton Place, 1961) and as far as I'm concerned Varden IS the movie...! Though she likely wouldn't have taken a part this small in 1956 as she was still starring in movies, I could very well see Bette Davis playing this part. And Varden does augment her voice to sound much like Davis as a matter of fact.

Varden only shares only very brief scene with her son Madison, seen here in their mansion.

Nevertheless, she looms large thanks not only to her hilariously memorable portrayal, but also due to the huge portrait of herself that hangs over the family living room.

At the wedding rehearsal... how does the ditty go? "One of these things is not like the other..." Varden has her back turned during all the thank yous and congratulations.

Then she gets up and trundles through the participants like a fleshy bowling ball with the wedding party as pins, never uttering a word or even looking at anyone!

Basically everything and everyone in this "women's picture" is beautiful, including the bride and groom's friends, ever-elegant Peggy Knudsen and Gregg Palmer, looking like a sibling to Rock Hudson before weight gain led him into character roles.

Seizing an opportunity to get the bride-to-be alone, Varden closes in for the kill.

First, she takes a gander at the rock her son has given Simmons as an engagement ring.

Then she facetiously compliments Simmons' suit before announcing that she got it from some other man.

Varden's sense of "style" is almost a living example of the "before you leave the house, remove one item" school of thought.

More than once she reminded me of Popeye's Alice the Goon character!

Anyway, she's got a whole laundry list of things that Simmons has done in her brief life that would bring nothing but shame to her son. Simmons, a bit of a pre-Feminist in that she sees little-to-nothing wrong with her past behavior, stands firm and still intends to wed Madison.

The day of the wedding, she comes barrelling into Simmons' home again. I couldn't love her weary, common, blunt manner any more if I tried!

This time, she's armed with $50,000 in government bonds! She's ready to do practically anything to rid herself of the scarlet woman her son is so attracted to.

Also, having been known to feign illness when it might aid her in her pursuits, she collapses into Simmons' father's chair and begins to moan in agony.

Simmons is unmoved and by this time has really had it with the future gorgon-in-law. The wedding will take place no matter what!

By the way, Evelyn and Simmons aren't exactly destitute. They have their own housekeeper! The performer, Marie Blake, may seem familiar to you? Eight years later, billed as Blossom Rock, she portrayed Grandmama Addams on The Addams Family.

Anyway, one way or another, Varden is not going to let Simmons have her way. This leads to a variety of hurdles for the newly-married couple.

I mentioned earlier the bright, unappealing lobby cards for this movie. I think you can see that they don't represent the splendidly moody cinematography found in the actual film.

Though the movie never comes near his level, this is Douglas Sirk-ian territory and there were occasional bits of artfulness in its presentation. The director, Phillip Dunne, was most successful as a writer (How Green Was My Valley, 1941, The Ghost and Mrs. Muir, 1947, and The Agony and the Ecstacy, 1965, to name a few.)

The movie's "heroine" makes a few foolish decisions and isn't always understandable (and Simmons over-accentuates some of her dialogue at times), but fans of the actress would surely enjoy seeing her here, looking lovely and being featured heavily.

But my greatest thrill, clearly, was seeing the often bubbly and amusing Varden (you might recall her from The Night of the Hunter, 1955, or The Bad Seed, 1956?) barging around as this menacing battle-axe. It's the sort of part that, were I in charge of such things, would have merited an Academy Award nomination. And why shouldn't she have mastered the role?

She had already assayed it 70 times on Broadway! She was the only cast member who made it into the movie adaptation.

I'm actually quite a fan of Jessica Tandy, whose husband Hume Cronyn directed her in the Broadway production, but as you can see, there's a pretty big difference in how she appeared as Hilda and how Simmons did as Hilda.

As is often the case, foreign posters, in this instance French, offered more striking artwork than the US ones.

The film came close to breaking even, which makes it a box office "miss," but I felt it was worth a look. At 87 minutes it certainly wasn't oppressive to sit through. Probably my biggest disappointment was that Madison was underutilized. He really got no real closeups (there's little-to-no reason for this film to have been done in Cinemascope except that it was 20th Century Fox's claim to fame at the time.) And he had no shirtless scenes or anything even close to that. He couldn't have been shown washing up in the construction trailer or something....?! LOL But I will remedy that by leaving you with a few nice pictures of him in his hey-day. He's been featured here in the Underworld multiple times, but there's always room for more.

:::BONUS PICS:::

An apple a day couldn't keep Henry Willson away...!

http://ricksrealreel.blogspot.com/said...

Hey Poseidon-- Never been compelled to check this one out, but I do love Jean Simmons.
Judith Evelyn-Miss Lonelyhearts, Eloise Crandall to Crawford's "Female on the Beach," and Liz Taylor's southern mama in "Giant!"
In fact, I always thought Jean and Liz should have played sisters in a movie... A remake of "In This Our Life?"
And Evelyn Varden, so good in odious roles. Remember her as Ethel Barrymore's bigoted relative in "Pinky?"
Have to say Guy Madison was so genuinely beautiful in his prime, it's a shame he was never given proper training as an actor, just sort of tossed out there as a sex symbol, like Jane Russell.
Was so glad to see you posted something today!Always a treat, cheers, Rick

June 21, 2024 at 4:26 PM

joel65913said...

Hi Poseidon!

It would be stretching to say I loved this one, but I did love certain things about the film.

Competing for the number one spot is the luminous Jean Simmons playing quite a liberated woman for the 1950’s and she’s in a photo finish for that top spot with Evelyn Varden (I literally yelled Icey Spoon!-one of the best character names ever, the first time she appeared on screen), who simply makes a meal of the vicious grasping hoyden she’s playing.

Despite being a major star in the 50’s I think Jean was and is underrated. Her lovely, somewhat still glacial beauty (utilized so brilliantly in ‘Angel Face” and rarely as well afterwards) often got in the way of her real skill for characterization. This is hardly Jean’s best film but a nice showy role, one initially intended for dramatic Queen of the Fox lot Susan Hayward who went on suspension rather than take the part, coming during her big time leading lady years (and followed by one of her most winning films “This Could Be the Night”). But as much as it’s a big fat Movie Star role it will never stand with her work in “Angel Face”, “All the Way Home”, “Elmer Gantry” or “The Actress” (or “The Thornbirds” on TV) as among her best.

Having seen this I have a tough time envisioning Jessica Tandy in the part, but then stage presence and film presence are so different, and this was her follow-up to “A Streetcar Named Desire.” I read up on the play/film a little. She was far from the first choice and the list of alternates are a truly odd mix. It was intended for Joan Fontaine, who withdrew for personal reasons, then Margaret Sullavan who refused, accepted and then withdrew followed by Ingrid Bergman and June Havoc! Love the last three of those women and like Fontaine usually (though she often reads distant and frosty) but they are wildly different from each other! It makes me think the producers didn’t have a firm grasp on what they were looking for in the character.

But no matter how lovely and how much I liked Jean in the film the MVP crown has to go to Varden. She’s a braying dragon in hideous clothes but whenever she shows up on screen no one else stands a chance. She seems to have come to film late and died just as she was hitting her stride which is a real pity, she was a definite type but within that she was able to play any role handed her (sweet or vicious) memorably.

I agree about women (and often men) reading older in 50’s film, mostly I think due to styling. The New Look which seemed to require women to imprison their hair into a close cropped slicked down circle of tight curls instead of the free-flowing locks of the 40’s aged just about every single star. I remember being shocked when I watched two Barbara Stanwyck films in a row – “The Other Love” and “B.F.’s Daughter” which happened to have been filmed consecutively but in between she had cut her hair short and how it amazingly it aged her seemingly turning her into a matron overnight! The clothing fashions, while often beautifully tailored in exquisite materials, were also much more formal and confining requiring a different posture. The men of course all wore suits (and by and large looked great in them but again older) and unless blessed with super beauty like Guy Madison, Jeffrey Hunter or Rock Hudson their slicked down hair did them no favors.

It was interesting to see Guy Madison in such a different role than his standard, but I am with you about the missed opportunity to show him off to full advantage during his prime, thanks for the reminder of just how prime at the end of the post!!

See Also

Rapid City Journal from Rapid City, South Dakota

Having not seen this for years, reading your post has sparked an itch to revisit the melodramatic highs and lows of the film! 😊

June 22, 2024 at 11:42 AM

hscsaid...

Thanks for providing a link to that YouTube print, Poseidon-- I took a quick peek and it looks gorgeous (in HD!) and I'll have to watch later while it's still there.

This is a film that I'm totally unfamiliar with, though I *LOVE* those sudsy '50s "women's pictures," and the cast is particularly appealing. You "already had me at" Jean Simmons, Guy Madison, Judith Evelyn AND Evelyn Varden-- but throw in a pre-ADDAMS FAMILY Blossom Rock? Yep, a must-see!

And as much as I love Evelyn Varden (Monica Breedlove!), I'm embarrassed to admit whenever I see her name in print I immediately briefly think she's *Norma* Varden, who worked in films around the same time and had a longer career. (And bizarrely, Norma Varden's Wikipedia entry erroneously claims Evelyn Varden is her sister-- so I'm not the only one who links them! LOL!)

About those "overly bright" lobby cards-- it's possible that the inks used to print them have faded badly with time and they were originally closer to the look of the film. They were considered ephemera and were actually intended to be destroyed after their original use, though people snagged them anyway. And that little 'A' that follows the title on the ones you post appears to be a film rating that indicates a non-US release, likely in the UK or Canada.

And thanks for balancing the missing "beefcake" element of this film with an always-appreciated selection of shirtless shots of Guy Madison! In the "beach" shot with the two starlets tugging his ears (WTF?), the positioning of his hands makes it look like he's about to shuck his bathing suit down and finally give us a good look at what we've been fantasizing about!

I have to admit I've always wondered if part of being a client of Henry Willson involved taking some "private photos"-- either for his own "personal use" or to help sell his newcomers to certain directors or producers. I guess by now a few of those would've turned up if it had been his preactice.

(However, back in the '80s, a full-page ad ran in a few issues of some of the gay skin mags, which advertised video and 8MM copies of a film that was alleged to have been found in the effects of a deceased Hollywood agent-- which was made up of special "private performances" the aspiring stars were willing to do to get cast.

The agent and stars were unnamed, but the implication was clearly Henry Willson and his stable. And since the ad was so short-lived and no copies seem to have ever turned up, I'm sure the "Film of Films!" was either a compendium of blurry, impossible-to-identify gay stag footage-- or worse, a total rip-off with *nothing* ever sent.)

Anyway, thanks for yet another great post, Poseidon! I hope things keep getting better for you!

Love to all, and be safe and well, everyone!

June 22, 2024 at 4:09 PM

BryonByronWhateversaid...

Thanks. This I need to see. Also interesting is that Marie Blake was Jeanette MacDonald's older sister, who bore a striking resemblance when younger. Off topic, MacDonald has long intrigued me, with her well hidden personal life reading like a Sidney Sheldon novel. Married to actor Gene Raymond, bi-sexual if not gay, she maintained a decades long love/hate relationship with Nelson Eddy which included as many as 8 pregnancies. More "Love Me Tonight" than "I married an Angel".

June 22, 2024 at 5:30 PM

K Jenkinssaid...

Hard to believe that Jean Simmons was only 27 years old in this film! Was she supposed to be playing older? LOL In his films, Guy Madison was prettier than his leading ladies! he was like a male starlet! LOL

June 22, 2024 at 9:53 PM

Gingerguysaid...

That Guy Madison is just gorgeous. Echoing all the comments, I think Simmons is so pretty but so frumped out in this. It looks like a fun movie and will give it a whirl. I am not a fan of Evilyn Varden but can't argue that she is forgettable. The whole time I was reading this I was remembering her in Night of The Hunter and The Bad Seed. There is even a Bette Davis movie she was in and I remember her more than I do Bette's performance. Sometimes I am just in the mood for a dressed up women's picture and this looks like good fun.

June 25, 2024 at 1:12 PM

Poseidon3said...

Rick, thanks for commenting. If you love Jean, I should think you'd be properly entertained by this. And it's under 90-minutes, so it's not exactly a lengthy commitment in any case. Jean sometimes resembled Liz in this movie, I thought. I don't know that I have ever seen "Pinky!" Only read about it. Some day...

joel65913, in some ways I felt Jean seemed a little old for this part (though she really wasn't!), but my God, I can't imagine Susan in it! I did read that she was slated for it. She was coming up on 40! Not to be "ageist." It just seemed as if it were meant that Hilda was a YOUNG girl who'd already had two quickie, failed marriages, not a "woman" who did so. I'm glad you found Varden as captivating as I did. :-) I couldn't agree more about hair during this time. I always think of the helmet Jane Wyman had on. June Allyson... such an unappealing look. If you watched this, I hope you enjoyed it again!

hsc, I have to tell you that I READ about this movie before I actually watched it and I fully expected to see Frau Schmitt, the Von Trapp housekeeper NORMA Varden, come in the door versus Evelyn!!! So you're far from alone. LOL I always thought Norma was a scream in her own right. Did snooty very well. Guy SHOULD have peeled those trunks off - ha ha!! What a cutie he was upon discovery. There are MISLABELED nude photos out there of "Guy Madison" and it's so obviously not he if you're truly familiar with the man. I hate when things like that get spread around as the truth (like a photo of Myrna Loy that's being shopped around as a young Estelle Getty... as if!!) Thanks much!

BryonByron, I have to agree with your interest in the crazed off-screen life of dear Jeanette. So nuts! Sometimes I wonder if some of it is made-up gossip from people who didn't like her or something, but it's fascinating to read. And I can never quit snorting that the always put-together and image-conscious Jeanette was sister to Grandmama Addams!

K Jenkins, amazing isn't it?? But think of Olivia de Havilland at 23 in "GWTH!" And Vivien 26! I always felt that Guy's greatest chemistry was found opposite Rory Calhoun...! LOL If you haven't already, check out this post of mine from 4 years ago:
https://neptsdepths.blogspot.com/2020/04/tinseltales-tubby-togetherness.html

Gingerguy, the exact reason I watched this is that I was in the mood for a "women's picture" in color with attractive stars, clothes, photography, etc...! To no surprise, we often think alike! I hope you watch it and enjoy it! Thanks!

June 25, 2024 at 1:59 PM

Jimbosaid...

An Alice the Goon reference? How is it possible not to love this blog!

June 25, 2024 at 7:15 PM

Poseidon3said...

Jimbo! :-D Thanks! Glad you liked that.

June 26, 2024 at 9:10 AM